Saturday, December 1, 2012

making mountains from molehills

Lately, it seems I have gotten into the habit of turning every little problem into a great big catastrophe. To put it mildly, I have developed a tendency to overreact. I think a big part of it is situational--winter season has not started yet in California so I am not working yet and all I have to do is sit around the house and dwell on things. I have been watching a lot of TV and trying to get some decent reading time in, but mostly I find that I spend a lot of time planning for the future and stressing out. So when something minor goes wrong, I tend to spend a lot of time dwelling on it because I have nothing but time right now. 

Image Source: know your meme

Prime example: the dry desert air has been doing a real number on my contact lenses. My eyes have been getting dry and I feel like a film of dust has collected on my eyeballs. It is annoying to say the least and my vision has suffered for it. I had one last pair of contact lenses saved up but hadn't wanted to put them in because putting in my last pair means I need to order another box and I didn't want to do that until we had more income coming in. Finally, after a near-blind drive to the Redbox kiosk late last night, I decided I needed to bite the bullet and change my damn contacts. Fast-forward to this afternoon... I am searching high and low for my contacts and they are nowhere to be found. I call my mom and ask her to search around her house since I had stayed there for awhile mid-move. She looked everywhere but found nothing. I asked my boyfriend if I had maybe packed them with some of his stuff and he responded with "what do they even look like?" No help there. I searched all the toiletry boxes. I scoured the linen closet. I went to the garage and looked through all the pockets in our suitcases. I tipped shoes over and shook, hoping my contacts would come flying out. I looked everywhere. Eventually, I threw in the towel. I let my frustration get the best of me and was thisclose to a foot-stomping tantrum moment. I let my negativity take over and started feeling like no matter what I do, something is destined to go wrong.

And then I wandered into my closet for the umpteenth time and my eyes settled on a gift box on the tippity-top shelf. I pulled it down and shook it, but it felt like only the tissue paper was inside. I opened it anyway and lo and behold, there were the elusive contact lenses, nestled between tissue paper and an abandoned store receipt.

Next came apologies to my mother for ranting about how much I hate life and grateful thank you's that she took the time to look. Eventually I will have to enter the man cave and tell my other half that I am sorry for my almost-tantrum over my stupid contacts, but I haven't quite worked up the courage yet. Its possible that he didn't even notice, although I suspect he hides in the man cave because he does notice when I start feeling defeated.

Of course, now that my eyes are feeling somewhat fresher and the crisis is averted (new box of contacts is currently in the mail, just in case), I feel kind of silly. I've been feeling that way a lot lately but yet I still keep freaking out over little things. I mean, I do have legitimate things to stress out over (if there is such a thing), but I really shouldn't let that carry over to the tiny things that frankly don't matter much at all. I just haven't quite figured out a way to keep calm. I hope blogging again will help, but I am open to exploring other options as well and hopefully I will eventually be able to mellow out.

What helps you to keep calm when life gets stressful?

Friday, November 30, 2012

coming home

Somehow, I have found myself once again in California. I guess you can take the girl out of California, but you can't take the California out of the girl? Does that work for this place?

With my latest love, I have moved from state to state, to state. We have been nomads of sorts, searching for the right place where we felt like we could stick around and have something resembling a life. It has been a bit of a bumpy road and while it has not been for nothing, we are both tired. And we both wanted to come home.

So, here we are. Back to where we both started. We are going to give things a go here in California and see what happens. This time, though, we have settled in the desert. It's funny how, as we moved around, we have been almost everywhere. We went from metro area to college town, then from downtown to remote mountain life, later to a summer resort town by the lake, and now we are in the desert. We almost went our separate ways, to mountains here and there, but for some reason we ended up together yet again and I would like to believe it is for a reason.

This, my friends, is the joshua tree in our front yard. I had no idea what a joshua tree even was before now. But hey--you live, you learn, right?

What's in your front yard?

giving it the ol' college try

I am trying one last time to do this blogging thing. I don't know if I'll manage to keep it up this time but I am stubborn and I just can't let this thing die.

I think of my Writing 121 professor that told me that even if I didn't stick with school, I had to promise to write every day. I have not been doing very well with that promise.

I think of how many hours I lose every time I find my stack of old paper journals and notes written to my junior high besties, folded into little origami shapes, full of life and memories that would be lost if it weren't for their physical presence.

I think of my own mental well-being. It is so much easier to convince myself that I am growing and moving forward in life when I can go back and read where I was a year or three ago--how very lost and confused I was. Writing helps me sort through the jumble of stressors and emotions in my crazy little brain, too. So, it's a good thing!

I think of the people that I have "met" in the blogging world in the past and the huge impact some of them have had on my own life. I would like to think (or hope, even) that my words may make an impression on other people, and that I may be fortunate enough to make some new friends out there.

I think of how much we have to learn from one another, as people. And what better way to share thoughts, ideas, passions, travels, and knowledge than through the internet? Blogs give us a place where we can speak our minds in an unrestricted manner, in a way we might not at dinner with the in-laws, at church, or even at school. That is surely worth something.

So, I am trying once again. Updates to follow on who I am and where I've been, as well as where I'm going and what I hope to find out there in that big bad world.