fa la la la laughter

You know that urban legend about the car that drives behind you flashing their high beams all crazy-like that freaks you out so you plan evasive maneuvers and "escape" them only to find out that they were just trying to warn you about the psychopath hiding in your backseat? Well, I feel sorry for anyone that thinks they are going to hide in my backseat. Or my trunk (or whatever you call that area in the back of an SUV that is supposed to serve as a trunk but really isn't at all...). Why would I feel sorry for such a deranged human being, you ask? Because they'd have to listen to me sing all the way down the road!

I am such a shamelessly loud, terribly off-key, just plain embarrassing car singer. Its pretty much the only place I'll really sing because I'm that awful at it that I consider even singing in the shower to be somewhat rude. And I really do choose the worst music for someone who can't sing:

- Power ballads. Journey and Queen are my absolute favorites and if you know their songs at all, you know they are even difficult for those who know what they are doing.

- Country Pop. Hello Taylor Swift, I freaking love you. I will sing Tay-Tay allll day. I have also been known to crank up the volume for The Band Perry, because the female vocalists are the best. Which reminds me: Kacey Musgraves and her song Merry Go 'Round. Please watch, even if you don't really like country...I swear its not overly twangy and it is pretty darn catchy.


And finally...

-Christmas music. Partly because Christmas is awesome and partly because I know all the words to sooo many Christmas songs it just makes solo karaoke that much more fun. I love a good Christmas mix CD (yes, I still play CDs in my vehicle). This post is actually brought on by a CD of holiday songs my mom gave to me as I was leaving her house earlier...a lot of drivers on the freeway probably had a great laugh watching me rocking out while driving down the 10 tonight. You are welcome, people.

Do you sing in the car? Are you one of those lucky people blessed with a good singing voice that can sing anywhere you want? If so, I kind of hate you a little bit, just so you know.

"what makes you itch?"

One of my Facebook friends posted the following video on her wall today:


I highly suggest you take the few short minutes to watch for yourself, but the basic suggestion is that a person ought to consider what it is that they would do with their lives if money was no object, then do just that. Eventually, most passions turn to skills which can be used for profit, right?

So, I watched the video and found myself at a bit of a loss because I don't know what I would want to do if money was no object. I mean, if pressed, I can think of a long list of things I suppose I wouldn't mind doing:

- I would like to travel internationally and visit historical sites and famous works of art and try new foods and experience new cultures.
- I would love to snowboard more and push myself to advance and get good enough that there isn't a mountain out there I couldn't enjoy.
- I would like to take horseback riding lessons, dance lessons, learn new languages, take up an instrument, experiment with cooking, read the news regularly, finish all the unread books on my bookshelves, visit with family members.
- I would volunteer in my community, mentoring young people and learning from the experiences of the elderly.
- Eventually, I would like to adopt a child or two children or maybe even be a foster parent to give at least a couple people something good in such a messed up system.
- I would probably still go to law school... unburdened by financial considerations, I could choose a program that worked best for me regardless of cost of living in the area, length of time to complete school, or potential profit afterward.
- I would become more civically engaged. I might even get into politics. I would be a passionate and intelligent voice, free of corruption, for those that need it most--the people that work their asses off every day and yet still struggle to just survive.

I am sure there are a million more, but only the last two would even potentially be career paths for me. And to take either of those career paths, I feel like I'd have to give up almost the entire list of other things I put before them. Just the time investment alone for careers in law and politics is extraordinary.

It sure does give a person something to think about... What would you do if money was no object? Could you see yourself making a life out of your passion?

sometimes life gets a little messy

Image: courtesy of Google Images

You know I'm having a rough week if the top of my tube of toothpaste is a hot mess. I squeeze some toothpaste onto my toothbrush and cram it in my mouth, halfheartedly attempting to close the lid with one hand while walking away, completely ignorant to any stray bits of goo. When I feel in control of my life and I'm not hurrying through basic grooming, I will squeeze the tube from the bottom and clean up any bits of toothpaste that have the nerve to try and cling to the top of the tube. I really will, because it bugs me when the toothpaste gets all dried up around the cap and I can't close it properly and I end up with little dried bits of toothpaste in my mouth and... just... YUCK! 

I might go as far as to say that my overall mental state is easily judged by the condition of my toothpaste. I am not exactly sure how I feel about that, but it seems to be true. So, when I saw how messy my toothpaste was looking this morning, I scrambled to clean it before someone might see it and question my housekeeping abilities--or my mental health. 

Does a messy toothpaste tube bug you? What do you let go when you're having a stressful week?

making mountains from molehills

Lately, it seems I have gotten into the habit of turning every little problem into a great big catastrophe. To put it mildly, I have developed a tendency to overreact. I think a big part of it is situational--winter season has not started yet in California so I am not working yet and all I have to do is sit around the house and dwell on things. I have been watching a lot of TV and trying to get some decent reading time in, but mostly I find that I spend a lot of time planning for the future and stressing out. So when something minor goes wrong, I tend to spend a lot of time dwelling on it because I have nothing but time right now. 

Image Source: know your meme

Prime example: the dry desert air has been doing a real number on my contact lenses. My eyes have been getting dry and I feel like a film of dust has collected on my eyeballs. It is annoying to say the least and my vision has suffered for it. I had one last pair of contact lenses saved up but hadn't wanted to put them in because putting in my last pair means I need to order another box and I didn't want to do that until we had more income coming in. Finally, after a near-blind drive to the Redbox kiosk late last night, I decided I needed to bite the bullet and change my damn contacts. Fast-forward to this afternoon... I am searching high and low for my contacts and they are nowhere to be found. I call my mom and ask her to search around her house since I had stayed there for awhile mid-move. She looked everywhere but found nothing. I asked my boyfriend if I had maybe packed them with some of his stuff and he responded with "what do they even look like?" No help there. I searched all the toiletry boxes. I scoured the linen closet. I went to the garage and looked through all the pockets in our suitcases. I tipped shoes over and shook, hoping my contacts would come flying out. I looked everywhere. Eventually, I threw in the towel. I let my frustration get the best of me and was thisclose to a foot-stomping tantrum moment. I let my negativity take over and started feeling like no matter what I do, something is destined to go wrong.

And then I wandered into my closet for the umpteenth time and my eyes settled on a gift box on the tippity-top shelf. I pulled it down and shook it, but it felt like only the tissue paper was inside. I opened it anyway and lo and behold, there were the elusive contact lenses, nestled between tissue paper and an abandoned store receipt.

Next came apologies to my mother for ranting about how much I hate life and grateful thank you's that she took the time to look. Eventually I will have to enter the man cave and tell my other half that I am sorry for my almost-tantrum over my stupid contacts, but I haven't quite worked up the courage yet. Its possible that he didn't even notice, although I suspect he hides in the man cave because he does notice when I start feeling defeated.

Of course, now that my eyes are feeling somewhat fresher and the crisis is averted (new box of contacts is currently in the mail, just in case), I feel kind of silly. I've been feeling that way a lot lately but yet I still keep freaking out over little things. I mean, I do have legitimate things to stress out over (if there is such a thing), but I really shouldn't let that carry over to the tiny things that frankly don't matter much at all. I just haven't quite figured out a way to keep calm. I hope blogging again will help, but I am open to exploring other options as well and hopefully I will eventually be able to mellow out.

What helps you to keep calm when life gets stressful?

coming home

Somehow, I have found myself once again in California. I guess you can take the girl out of California, but you can't take the California out of the girl? Does that work for this place?

With my latest love, I have moved from state to state, to state...to state. We have been nomads of sorts, searching for the right place where we felt like we could stick around and have something resembling a life. It has been a bit of a bumpy road and while it has not been for nothing, we are both tired. And we both wanted to come home.

So, here we are. Back to where we both started. We are going to give things a go here in California and see what happens. This time, though, we have settled in the desert. It's funny how, as we moved around, we have been almost everywhere. We went from metro area to college town, then from downtown to remote mountain life, later to a summer resort town by the lake, and now we are in the desert. We almost went our separate ways, to mountains here and there, but for some reason we ended up together yet again and I would like to believe it is for a reason.

This, my friends, is the joshua tree in our front yard. I had no idea what a joshua tree even was before now. But hey--you live, you learn, right?

What's in your front yard?

giving it the ol' college try

I am trying one last time to do this blogging thing. I don't know if I'll manage to keep it up this time but I am stubborn and I just can't let this thing die.

I think of my Writing 121 professor that told me that even if I didn't stick with school, I had to promise to write every day. I have not been doing very well with that promise.

I think of how many hours I lose every time I find my stack of old paper journals and notes written to my junior high besties, folded into little origami shapes, full of life and memories that would be lost if it weren't for their physical presence.

I think of my own mental well-being. It is so much easier to convince myself that I am growing and moving forward in life when I can go back and read where I was a year or three ago--how very lost and confused I was. Writing helps me sort through the jumble of stressors and emotions in my crazy little brain, too. So, it's a good thing!

I think of the people that I have "met" in the blogging world in the past and the huge impact some of them have had on my own life. I would like to think (or hope, even) that my words may make an impression on other people, and that I may be fortunate enough to make some new friends out there.

I think of how much we have to learn from one another, as people. And what better way to share thoughts, ideas, passions, travels, and knowledge than through the internet? Blogs give us a place where we can speak our minds in an unrestricted manner, in a way we might not at dinner with the in-laws, at church, or even at school. That is surely worth something.

So, I am trying once again. Updates to follow on who I am and where I've been, as well as where I'm going and what I hope to find out there in that big bad world.

bathroom sanctuary

Sometimes I feel like the bathroom is the only place where I can truly find peace and quiet in my day.

Sure there are times, especially lately, where I may forego the gossip magazine for a textbook or balance my laptop precariously on a half-open drawer to watch a presentation while I do my human duties. Still, more often than not, I catch up on Facebook via my cell phone or sneak my Kindle in with me to read a quick chapter of some chick lit without feeling guilty.

I think it is extra nice because most people don't want to bother you while you're in the bathroom. In fact, it kind of confuses me when my guy knocks on the door to have a conversation with me while I'm sitting on the toilet. Because if you think about it, who really wants to talk to someone when they are sitting on the john? I mean, is that how you would like to think of your significant other? There are some things better left private if you ask me. If I disappear for five or ten minutes behind a closed bathroom door, there is really no need to ask me what I am doing, is there? Whatever you have to say can wait until I'm done using the toilet, brushing my teeth, searching for grey hairs, or scrutinizing my skin under the harsh fluorescent vanity lights. Right? Right.

Is there anyone else that finds the bathroom to be some strange almost-sanctuary for them or is it just me?

when the past haunts my dreams

Last night I had a really strange dream about my high school crush. In the dream he was visiting me for some reason, although we were both staying with my family in my hometown. At the start of the dream, I remember leaving him hanging out in my room alone while I visited with family and took care of domestic chores. Then dream-me realized that I was being awfully rude in just leaving him shut up in a room all by himself, which I attributed to still being too scared to face him like a normal person even after all these years had passed. So I went back to check on him, found him asleep, and began rubbing his back to wake him up. (I was too scared to talk to him but here I was rubbing his back while he was asleep in my bed? Real logical dream-me...)

Once he woke up, I apologized to him and we hugged it out. Then we talked, about what I don't remember. At one point he kissed me and I guess dream-me was unattached because I definitely let him. It was innocent and sweet and somewhat foreign. He was tentative and gentle and the whole thing was not at all like I would imagine it would have gone down in real life. I remember him asking me if there was a bathtub in the house because apparently he wanted to take a bath with me. All dream-me could think of was 'holy crap, I will have to get naked in front of him!'

When a noise in the house woke real-life-me up this morning, I made myself go back to sleep, wishing that the dream would continue. I don't know why the dream made such an impact on me, or why I even had the dream in the first place. I wasn't thinking about my crush, the past, or anything remotely related. My crush didn't even look like my crush did or does now; somehow I just knew it was supposed to be him. I guess dreams are just funny that way.

Regardless of the complete pointlessness of this dream and the fact that I am at least mildly weirded out that I had it in the first place and even more freaked that I enjoyed it...I now want to facebook stalk this guy. I pretty much want to facebook stalk anyone from high school that I can find now! Does anyone else ever get this urge? Or am I just completely crazy? It's okay, I can take it.

jeep break in

Image source: google images

Apparently someone decided that breaking into my Jeep would be a nice thrill for them. My lovely boyfriend has been using my Jeep to get to work lately since his is out of commission for a bit and called me from in front of the house this afternoon: 

"Did you get in the jeep earlier?"

"No...why?" I am thinking what an odd question this is, obviously. 

"Because I think someone broke in. You'd better come out here." Click. 

What the...? So I, still in sweats after 4pm because I am classy like that, run outside and discover that yes, someone has indeed broken into my jeep. The contents of my glove compartment are strewn all about the passenger seat and floor, but everything else looks fine to me. My boyfriend notices that the GPS is missing and a tiny voice in my head thinks "yay!" because I've been wanting to get a new one, but I feel bad because I am pretty sure he uses that thing for work. They even left the charger cord plugged into the cigarette lighter. Both of our jackets were still in the car, along with my CDs, stereo, and presumably all the boring paperwork I store in the glove box. It didn't even seem like they looked through the center console, which I would have done since there has been no lid on it since I've owned my vehicle. But, I digress. 

I suppose I should have felt violated or something but I have to say I was only mildly annoyed at best. I don't lock my jeep when I park it for the night, or ever really, unless I have something of value in it that I can't take out and store elsewhere. When I am out shopping I'll lock it if I have shopping bags inside because I'm not trying to be completely irresponsible here or anything. Its just that my jeep is old. Like fifteen years old, old. It is not exactly a prime target for theft. Besides, I make it a point not to leave anything in there that I care about. I have known so many people who have locked their cars up tight, only to have a window busted so someone could steal their stereo faceplate or book of CDs. Not my idea of a good time. If you want to rifle through my empty Starbucks cups, pile of fast food napkins I am stockpiling in case of spilled Jamba Juice emergencies, and random pairs of flip flops, go right ahead thieves. Go right ahead.

However, my guy disagrees with my way of doing things. He insists that from now on my jeep will be locked up at night. I got a mini-lecture that I swear included the words "learned your lesson," but I still can't bring myself around to his way of thinking. Sure, I respect the validity of his opinion. I lock his jeep whenever I use it and I am totally okay with that. But my jeep is my jeep and I should be able to do things my way, right? Or not right? He thinks I am off my rocker and keeps telling me that all "normal" people lock their vehicles all the time. I find that hard to believe. So tell me--which side are you on? Any particular reason? I am curious about this one.